Archive for the ‘Future Cult Classic’ Category

Film: The lovely bones

Year: 2009

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon, Stanley Tucci, Michael Imperioli, Saoirse Ronan, Rose McIver, Christian Thomas Ashdale, Reece Ritchie, Carolyn Dando, Nikki SooHoo, Andre James Alan, Jake Abel, AJ Michalka, Thomas McCarthy

Plot: A 14-year-old girl in suburban 1970’s Pennsylvania is murdered by her neighbor. She tells the story from the place between Heaven and Earth, showing the lives of the people around her and how they have changed all while attempting to get someone to find her lost body.

Review:This is a mad ass film, I wasn’t drawn to watch it when it came out as it wasn’t my kind of film, in some ways I was right and others I was wrong.

This film seems to be some kind of hybrid trying to be two different things, on the one hand you have the dark sinister Pedo and the moodiness of the film then in the middle you have the Willi Wonka set and all we were missing was the umpa lumpa’s oh no there she is “Holly!” don’t get me wrong once I got over the WTF syndrome I got it and actually enjoyed it for what it was, a clever film trying to cater for everyone. It as though they could have actually split this film in two and made two equally successful films.

That aside the acting in this film was first rate with Mark Whalberg and Rachel Weisz acting their emotional hearts out , Susan Sarandon was fantastic as the grandmother who hadn’t got a clue and was smashed out of her skull most of the time, until she got sensible near the end, didn’t see that coming  and Saoirse Ronan as the lead character was just the best choice they could have made for the role.

But the one that did it for me was Mr Creepy himself Stanley Tucci. What must it have taken this guy to play this role and have been so convincing in the part, he creeped me out [I so hope creeped is actually a word?] I was watching this film with my 15yr old daughter,  she, at times was hiding her eye’s behind her hand even when he wasn’t doing anything bad, that’s how creepy he was.

All things considered, the acting was first rate, the characters were believable and well fleshed out, the CGI for the heaven scene’s was well done and fantastical and the Creepy guy was well creepy, oh and before I forget a good ending for the bad guy, just when you think he’s going to get away with it and strike again… BAM have that.

8/10 once you get over the two film confusion it’s a good film



Film: Ted

Year: 2012

Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Parick Warburton, Matt Walsh, Jessica Barth, Aedin Mincks, Bill Smitrovich, Patrick Stewart, Norah Jones, Sam J.Jones, Tom Skerritt, Bretton Manley

Plot: As the result of a childhood wish, John Bennett’s teddy bear, Ted, came to life and has been by John’s side ever since – a friendship that’s tested when Lori, John’s girlfriend of four years, wants more from their relationship.

Review: This film was hyped months before it hit the streets and I was, just like everyone else dying to see what Seth MacFarlane had come up with. Let’s face it I wasn’t disappointed it was just family guy with the characters being played by, well by different characters.

It’s rude full of drug use and violence and is funny as f*ck the opening monologue by Patrick Stewart had me in tears as did some of the jokes, Mark Wahlberg as a stumbling Peter Griffin just slimmer was excellent with the excellent Mila Kunis as his Lois.

But without a doubt Ted was the star of the show, surrounding himself with hookers then a dumb blond girlfriend, to thanking Nora Jones for 9/11 he was Brian down to a T.

There is just a bunch of stuff going on in this film that makes you want to watch it a bunch of times just to make sure you did see it and get it right first time that includes the appearance of flash Gordon! [Not flesh Gordon]

There really isn’t much to say about this film apart from, Watch it, but leave your political correctness and your kids at home you’ll spend too much time tutting or trying to explain what’s going on otherwise.

10/10 glad Mary Whitehouse isn’t still around!


Film: Iron Sky

Year: 2012

Cast: Julia Dietze, Peta Sergeant, Kym Jackson, Udo Kier, Stephanie Paul, Christopher Kirkby, Gotz Otto, Monika Gossmann, Yuki Iwamoto, Jim Knobeloch, Tero Kuakomaa, Nick Dong-Silk, Tilo Pruckner, Jeffrey Coulas, Michael Cullen.

Plot: In the last moments of World War II, a secret Nazi space program evaded destruction by fleeing to the Dark Side of the Moon. During 70 years of utter secrecy, the Nazis construct a gigantic space fortress with a massive armada of flying saucers.

Review: This is as surprise of a film; my son told me about it, I hadn’t seen it advertised anywhere or any trailers. It sounded like a real B movie so I though “go on I’ll give it a go” on first watching I thought this Cannot be a be B Movie the start to it was fantastic great CGI good concept, then the acting started. Oh yes this is a B Movie just a well made one.

So the Americans send a Rocket to the moon to win an election, with the slogan “Going back, Going Black” they send a Black model to the moon!!! This is where the fun starts especially when they turn him Aryan, and he goes back to earth.

The problem is he doesn’t know he’s now a white guy, so we have a white black guy and two Moon Nazies inNew York, bedlam ensues.

Although the Acting is a little rough it’s acceptable for this film most of the language is German so be prepared to read subtitles, this doesn’t take anything away from the film it actually adds to it.

Udo Kier is his usual spectacular self as the Fuhrer, this guy just takes creepy to another level, must be the eye’s but he always plays a good Baddie.

This is a very Tongue in Cheek film, with fantastic Dialogue, When the US President expresses her disgust that the rest of the world, apart from Finland have armed their space craft, the reply is “but you lied, you armed yours!”

She replies with we always lie, it’s expected of us! Hysterical.

This is a definite watcher and will become a cult classic, it’s all the little in Jokes and slights that make it. Leave your Political Correctness at home and give it a watch.

 10/10 a definate watcher


Film: Your Highness

Year: 2011

Cast: Danny McBride, James Franco, Rasmus Hardiker, Natalie Portman, Toby Jones, Justin Theroux, Zooey Deschanel, Charles Dance, Damian Lewis, Simon Farnaby, Deobia Oparei, B.J. Hogg, Matyelok Gibbs, Angela Pleasence, Anna Barry

Plot: Throughout history, tales of chivalry have burnished the legends of brave, handsome knights who rescue fair damsels, slay dragons and conquer evil. But behind many a hero is a good-for-nothing younger brother trying just to stay out of the way of those dragons, evil and trouble in general. As two princes on a daring mission to save their land, they must rescue the heir apparent’s fiancée before their kingdom is destroyed. Thadeous (McBride) has spent his life watching his perfect older brother Fabious (Franco) embark upon valiant journeys and win the hearts of his people. Tired of being passed over for adventure, adoration and the throne, he’s settled for a life of wizard’s weed, hard booze and easy maidens. But when Fabious’ bride-to-be, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), gets kidnapped by the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux), the king gives his deadbeat son an ultimatum: Man up and help rescue her or get cut off…

Review: I saw the trailers for this film and wasn’t really that interested so I let it go without much interest, I was looking through my films the other day and noticed that I had actually downloaded it, I thought well I could do with a laugh and my choices were limited to this, rubber or Troll Hunter!

It started of with promise the part where he falls through the trap door of the dwarf kings gallows to find himself stood up with a slack rope round his neck! Genius. In fact the whole film turned out to be a work of genius Charles Dance as the king as professional as ever in his acting and delivery, the lovely if not dippy Zooey Deschanel was well, lovely in every aspect of the word. The comedy genius award has to be awarded to McBride and Hardiker as Thadeous and his man servant Courtney, the laughs roll in from the opening credits where Thadeous is waiting to be executed on a dwarf gallows as Courtney is being Tarred and feathered. There is very little let up in the comedy all the way through, the Minotaur’s cock as a trophy was genius also, if not a little off-putting.

This film is definitely more blazing saddles than Holy Grail, it’s not PC at all which means that, for that alone in today’s society if you like this film be prepared to be slated.

If you can put aside your morals for an hour this film is hysterical from start to finish, I bet even those that have slated it publicly have enjoyed it in private!

9/10 hilarious and a good PC antidote, you know you want to.


Film: Nude Nuns with Big Guns

Year: 2010

Cast: Bill Oberst Jr, Devanny Pinn, Tawney Anber Young, Ivet Corvea, Larry Eudene, Jessica Elder, Kimberly Ables Jindra, Asun Ortega, Tomas Boykin, Sasha Stuber, Aycil Yeltan, David Castro, Xango Henry, Maxie J Santillan Jr, Oto Brezina.

Plot: Upon taking her vows to become a nun, Sister Sarah is abused, brainwashed and drugged into submission by the corrupt clergy. On the verge of death from a lethal dose of drugs, Sister Sarah receives a message from GOD telling her to take vengeance on all those who did her wrong. Armed with God’s will and an arsenal of big guns, she dispenses Judgment Day on her former tormentors. When the church hires the merciless motorcycle gang the “Los Muertos” to track down and kill her they soon realize that this SISTER IS ONE BAD MOTHER.

Review: Well where can we start with classic B movie?

There are two groups that are going to be disappointed by this movie young boys expecting big busted nuns and tons of sex and Catholics!

Although the first group won’t be that disappointed, there are naked women from the start and pretty much a case of can we crowbar any more boobs in to this film? Not really is the answer.

This film is much along the lines of “Machete” and other new would b B movies, they aim low and hit the mark but what would you expect with an $85,000 budget? But there are big buns and nuns, which is what it offers. There is also plenty of blood and guts which this type of movie are good at.

Would I recommend it? Yes of course I would, who wouldn’t like to see a tasty nun with a fine set of hooters and too larger than life guns blasting up the corrupt west? Oh and the church!                              

9/10 guns blood and nudity by the bucket load.

Film: Priest

Year: 2011

Cast: Paul Bettany, Karl Urban,Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q, Lilly Collins, Brad Bourif, Stephen Moyer, Christopher Plummer, Alan Dale, Madchen Amick, Jacob Hopkins, Dave Florek, Joel Polinsky, Josh Wingate, John Braver,

Plot: A post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller is set in an alternate world — one ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires. The story revolves around a legendary Warrior Priest from the last Vampire War who now lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian cities ruled by the Church. When his niece is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires, Priest breaks his sacred vows to venture out on a quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece’s boyfriend, a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess who possesses otherworldly fighting skills.

Review: This film seemed to be on its way for so long I actually missed it at the cinema which was a shame, All the delays were something to do with the now popular 3D, which I personally don’t see the point of, but anyway was it worth the wait? Well yes and no. the film was only 87 minutes long which looking at the estimated $60.000.000 makes you think that there is a hell of a lot on the cutting room floor maybe for the directors cut!

The cast lead by the fantastic Paul Bettany jumped from one well choreographed fight scene to another; the sets were suitably futuristic and barren in places and wouldn’t look out of place as Anime [coming from a long running Korean comic book.] Karl Urban Plays a good baddie looking and sounding more like Clint Eastwood than a Vampire, and Maggie Q [Nikita] as Bettany’s Love interest and fellow Priest adds welcome glamour to the film.

All in all a good film with plenty of action, though not many words, those words they do use you feel are just filling in till the next fight sequence looking forward to a directors cut which adds a good 15-20 minutes to the film [if it appears] also a sequel would be good as there is plenty of material to go at and they did only find the Baddies hat!

8/10 well worth a watch if you’re a vampire fan, nice twist the vampires being another species.

Film: The Hitcher

Year: 2007

Cast: Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Neal McDonough, Kyle Davis, Skip O’Brien, Travis Schuldt, Danny Bolero, Jeffrey Hutchinson, Yara Martinez, Lauren Cohen, Michael J.Fisher, Joseph Michael Self, Brad Robinson, Kurt Grossi

Plot: While driving through theNew MexicoDesert during a rainy night, the college students Jim Halsey and his girlfriend Grace Andrews give a ride to the hitchhiker John Ryder. This is where the nightmare begins

Review: This film only has faint overtones to the original Rutger Hauer classic from 1986, Sean Bean takes on the menacing role of John Ryder a murderous psychopath who pursues the two students relentlessly.

This is a fantastic  remake of the original with enough differences to make it its own movie, Eric Red was back writing the screenplay along with new guy on the block Jake Wade Wall (when a stranger calls 2006 and Amusement 2008) The action and the acting were superb Bean makes the role of Ryder his own with his long menacing staring and low drawling American accent, Sophia Bush [One Tree Hill] and Zachary Knighton [Flash Forward] both worked well together as the pursued teenagers plenty of emotion and fear going on there.

All in all a good remake and a good stand alone film updates the now dated 1986 classic with enough differences so that it isn’t a carbon copy. Keeps you on the edge of your seat and well entertained.

9/10 dark brooding and well worth a watch

Actor profiles on IMDB

Sean Bean –

Sophia Bush –

Zachary Knighton –

Film: True Grit

Year: 2011

Cast: Jeff Bridges, Hailee Steinfeld, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, Barry Pepper, Dakin Mathews, Jarlath Conroy, Paul Rae, Domhnall Gleeson, Elizabeth Marvel, Roy Lee Jones, Ed Corbin, Leon Russim, Bruce Green, Candyce Hinkle,

Plot: A tough U.S. Marshal helps a stubborn young woman track down her father’s murderer.

Review: This is one of those times when you want to say that John Wayne’s original portrayal of Rooster Cogburn was better than Jeff Bridges. However, unfortunately the 1969 “classic” is not a patch on the re-make.

Jeff Bridges doesn’t play a character like Wayne; he plays the man he puts his heart and sole into being the drunken hard nosed cowboy. Who your never quite sure if he is going to after his man.

Casting for Mattie Ross was just pure casting gold with Hailee Steinfeld steeling the show with her portrayal as the confident youngster on the trail of her father’s killer. This girl is going to go far.

This film just keeps you captivated and on the edge of your seat like the original probably did back in 69. The Coen brothers worked total genius on this film nothing more to say.


Pure cinema Gold. A Genuine must see film [General UK release 11/02/11]

Film: Skyline

Year: 2010

Cast: Eric Balfour, Scottie Thompson, Brittany Daniel, crystal Reed, Neil Hopkins, David Zayas, Donald Faison, Robin Gammell, Tanya Newbould,

Plot: Strange lights descend on the city of Los Angeles, drawing people outside like moths to a flame where an extraterrestrial force threatens to swallow the entire human population off the face of the Earth.

Review: This is a special effects heavy movie that I didn’t think I would like, but actually I did. Its not your usual independence day type Alien film, we aren’t going to kill these off so easy.

From the blue lights the hunters that look like something out of the original War of the worlds with its long searching arms.

Acting leaves a bit to be desired but it was nice to Se Faison out of his Scrubs and living the high life, even if it didn’t last too long!


Not an intellectual masterpiece, however a good watch, excellent if you like CGI and Monsters a true Sci-Fi film possible cult classic

Film: Zombie women of Satan

Year: 2009

Cast: Warren Speed, Victoria Hopkins, Victoria Broom, Marysia Kay, Peter Bonner, Kate Soulsby, Bill Fellows, Gillian Settle, Chrisian Steel, Joe Nicholson, Jez Hunt, Seymour Leon Mace, Kathy Paul,

Plot: the movie tells the tale of rock singer Skye Brannigan’s quest to find her missing sister who has been abducted by a strange cult. Skye is helped / hindered by bizarre freak show burlesque troupe Flesharama who get caught up in her quest, as they are attacked left, right and centre by a vicious gang of marauding sexy zombie women and the crazy Zander family who created them !!

Review: Ok so pretty much every review I saw for this film totally slagged it off to high heaven so I thought kool I’ll give it a watch,

I wasn’t disappointed this film is great! It’s a classic British B Movie!

So what do you want from a great British B Movie? Bad acting? Blood and Gore? Tits?

Well this film has them all, this and the cracking banter between the characters, Especially between Pervo and Hellfire, Pervo the clown needs more adventures I feel it’s a pity hellfire and zeuse came to sticky end, maybe a bit of resurrection is required. Maybe they can be the Kenny’s [South Park] of the Pervo Films?

All in all I enjoyed this film for what it is, and with a budget of 40k it was never going to be a Hollywood blockbuster, so all those people who are so far up themselves that they compare it with a big budget film get from up yourselves.

Give it a watch, have a giggle while the girls jiggle, this will soon be a cult classic, but if you don’t like Zombies, naked women, gratuitous violence or clowns with black noses. it wont be for you!

9/10 Hysterical Black Horror