Archive for the ‘B Movie’ Category

Film: Iron Sky

Year: 2012

Cast: Julia Dietze, Peta Sergeant, Kym Jackson, Udo Kier, Stephanie Paul, Christopher Kirkby, Gotz Otto, Monika Gossmann, Yuki Iwamoto, Jim Knobeloch, Tero Kuakomaa, Nick Dong-Silk, Tilo Pruckner, Jeffrey Coulas, Michael Cullen.

Plot: In the last moments of World War II, a secret Nazi space program evaded destruction by fleeing to the Dark Side of the Moon. During 70 years of utter secrecy, the Nazis construct a gigantic space fortress with a massive armada of flying saucers.

Review: This is as surprise of a film; my son told me about it, I hadn’t seen it advertised anywhere or any trailers. It sounded like a real B movie so I though “go on I’ll give it a go” on first watching I thought this Cannot be a be B Movie the start to it was fantastic great CGI good concept, then the acting started. Oh yes this is a B Movie just a well made one.

So the Americans send a Rocket to the moon to win an election, with the slogan “Going back, Going Black” they send a Black model to the moon!!! This is where the fun starts especially when they turn him Aryan, and he goes back to earth.

The problem is he doesn’t know he’s now a white guy, so we have a white black guy and two Moon Nazies inNew York, bedlam ensues.

Although the Acting is a little rough it’s acceptable for this film most of the language is German so be prepared to read subtitles, this doesn’t take anything away from the film it actually adds to it.

Udo Kier is his usual spectacular self as the Fuhrer, this guy just takes creepy to another level, must be the eye’s but he always plays a good Baddie.

This is a very Tongue in Cheek film, with fantastic Dialogue, When the US President expresses her disgust that the rest of the world, apart from Finland have armed their space craft, the reply is “but you lied, you armed yours!”

She replies with we always lie, it’s expected of us! Hysterical.

This is a definite watcher and will become a cult classic, it’s all the little in Jokes and slights that make it. Leave your Political Correctness at home and give it a watch.

 10/10 a definate watcher



Film: Hobo with a shotgun

Year: 2011

Cast: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi, Robb Wells, Brian Downey, Gregory Smith, Nick Bateman, Drew O’Hara, Molly Dunsworth, Jeremy Akerman, Andre Haines, Agnes M.Laan, Duane Patterson, Brian Jamerson, Tomothy Dunn, Glen Mathews.

Plot: A vigilante homeless man pulls into a new city and finds himself trapped in urban chaos, a city where crime rules and where the city’s crime boss reigns. Seeing an urban landscape filled with armed robbers, corrupt cops, abused prostitutes and even a paedophile Santa, the Hobo goes about bringing justice to the city the best way he knows how – with a 20-gauge shotgun. Mayhem ensues when he tries to make things better for the future generation. Street justice will indeed prevail

Review: this film was a surprise find as I hadn’t seen it advertised anywhere and I just liked the title, this film has got to be one of the best modern B movies out at the moment the others being Machete and Nuns with big Guns.

This film is a total classic from the opening credits to the final scene, I am a massive Rutger Hauer fan so this film started to tick boxes right away. The violence was over the top and the blood plentiful. Brian Downey made a great Villan as Drake running his town on fear with his two psychotic sons Slick and Ivan.

My two Favourite Quotes are:

Abby: You can’t solve all the world’s problems with a shotgun.
Hobo: It’s all I know.

Hobo: Get your hands off me, demons! You’re crushing my smokes!

This is an absolute brilliant film and will become a cult classic, with its humour and Gore it was only outshone by Zombie women of Satan

10/10 Classic Hauer



Film: Black Sheep

Year: 2006

Cast: Nathan Meister,
Peter Feeney, Danielle Mason, Tammy Davis, Oliver Driver, Tandi Wright, Glenis Levestam, Nick Blake, Mathew Chamberlain, Nick Fenton, Eli Kent, Sam Clarke, Richard Chapman, Louis Sutherland, Ian Harcourt,

Plot: Growing up on the family sheep farm was idyllic for smart, sensitive Harry Oldfield, except for some knavish mischief from cocky
brother Angus, until their dad has a fatal accident. Fifteen years later, Harry has finished sheep-phobia therapy and his ICT schooling and returns. Angus buys him out, all ready to present the genetically engineered Oldfield sheep he bred with a ruthless team. When environmentalist Grant steals a discarded embryo, which has sharp teeth, he gets bitten by it, and thus the first to be infected with predatory hunger and a mechanism that turns any mammal into a werewolf version of a sheep. Running from the farm men, Grant’s mate, student Experience, gets teamed up with Harry and his boorish but gentle pastoral youth friend Tucker. They must survive both the bloodthirsty sheep and their
creators, who didn’t realize this yet but dispose of the antidote.

Review: First watched this film after seeing a trailer on You Tube and was intrigued to see what it was
all about, I wasn’t disappointed. It is what it is, a horror comedy about sheep!

There are plenty of baaaaad sheep jokes and loads of fake gory blood, sheep jumping through the air to attach themselves to the necks of unsuspecting ramblers etc… with hilarious and gore effects.

There have been plenty of people who have reviewed this film and said it was childish and low brow?????? What were you expecting Harry Potter? LOTR? Sense and sensibility. Its sheep and killer sheep at that. It was hilarious.

I watched it again when my daughters boyfriend decided they should watch it, she was petrified and he was in hysterics. I dare you to watch this film and not laugh or even groan at the jokes next time I think I will watch it whilst drunk and see if I get a different view of it. Probably upside
down through bleary eye’s and I bet it’s still funny.

Film: Blood Outblood out

Year: 2011

Cast: Luke Goss, Val Kilmer, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, Vinnie Jones, Tamer Hassan, Anna Lynne McCord, Ed Quinn, Ryan Donoho, Stephanie Honore, Sam Medina, Shaun Grant, Bobby Lashley, Laura Bach, Michael Arata, Shanna Forrestall

Plot: David is a small-time hood in a big-time gang, killed for wanting out to marry his girlfriend. His older brother, Michael, a deputy sheriff in a meth-riddled town near Baltimore, leaves the force, gets a set of tattoos, and joins his brother’s crew after claiming to be just out of prison and on the run. He proves his abilities, glad to wreak justice on other gangs and corrupt cops, and he may have a chance at revenge during a summit of North and South American drug traffickers. There are obstacles: a curious female lieutenant of a local thug, a federal investigation he may be stepping on, and the plight of his brother’s pregnant girlfriend. Can he complete his mission?

Luke Goss blood outReview: Not 100% what i thought about this film to be honest, I watched it as I had watched Luke Goss in Death Race 2 and there were a few good names in there but they were really disappointing, 50 cent was in it for about 50 seconds and was totally abysmal, Val Kilmer was just pointless, Luke Goss tried a little too hard to be Jason Statham and unfortunately he failed, this time. The great Ed Quinn looked bored and suitably embarrassed as he probably didn’t realise what a turkey he had let himself in for.  Its not a major surprise really that this was a straight to DVD production, however in its defence I have to say that I have seen worse, much, much worse and they probably spent no where near as much money on it.

You probably noticed I didn’t mention Vinnie, well Vinnie is Vinnie he looks menacing and he snarls and that’s just what I like about him, he’s a footballer that decided to put his Hardman attitude and reputation into film, enough said.

I couldn’t much positive with this film, the story was great and I got that but there were no surprises you knew exactly what was going to happen, the Tattoo’s on Luke Goss were as though a 3yr old had been let loose on his sleeping uncle with a marker.

6/10 If you don’t like surprises in your films, this one is for you


Film: Nude Nuns with Big Guns

Year: 2010

Cast: Bill Oberst Jr, Devanny Pinn, Tawney Anber Young, Ivet Corvea, Larry Eudene, Jessica Elder, Kimberly Ables Jindra, Asun Ortega, Tomas Boykin, Sasha Stuber, Aycil Yeltan, David Castro, Xango Henry, Maxie J Santillan Jr, Oto Brezina.

Plot: Upon taking her vows to become a nun, Sister Sarah is abused, brainwashed and drugged into submission by the corrupt clergy. On the verge of death from a lethal dose of drugs, Sister Sarah receives a message from GOD telling her to take vengeance on all those who did her wrong. Armed with God’s will and an arsenal of big guns, she dispenses Judgment Day on her former tormentors. When the church hires the merciless motorcycle gang the “Los Muertos” to track down and kill her they soon realize that this SISTER IS ONE BAD MOTHER.

Review: Well where can we start with classic B movie?

There are two groups that are going to be disappointed by this movie young boys expecting big busted nuns and tons of sex and Catholics!

Although the first group won’t be that disappointed, there are naked women from the start and pretty much a case of can we crowbar any more boobs in to this film? Not really is the answer.

This film is much along the lines of “Machete” and other new would b B movies, they aim low and hit the mark but what would you expect with an $85,000 budget? But there are big buns and nuns, which is what it offers. There is also plenty of blood and guts which this type of movie are good at.

Would I recommend it? Yes of course I would, who wouldn’t like to see a tasty nun with a fine set of hooters and too larger than life guns blasting up the corrupt west? Oh and the church!                              

9/10 guns blood and nudity by the bucket load.

Film: How to Make a Monster

Year: 2001

Cast: Clea DuVall, Steven Culp, Tyler Mane, Jason Marsden, Karim Prince, Julie Strain, James Sullivan, Te’ron A. O’Neil, Aaron Fors, Brittney Lee Harvey, Eric Michael Zee, Hillary Tuck, Scott Wordham, Jeff Edwards, Shane Mahan.

Plot: An evil video game comes to life and hunts the group of developers.

Review: This is a true low budget straight to DVD TV Film the acting isn’t that bad in places and the concept is ok but there seems to be a long drawn out period of nothing before you get to the action, and when you get there it seems to be a bit of a let down.

This was weird science meets nightmare on Elm Street, bit of science and video game development, the obligatory naked actress showing of her plastic boobs. The lightening that sets the monster off and the killing spree that ensues.

If you are a true B movie buff this is the film for you, if not then don’t give it the time of day.

5/10 if you liked weird science but thought there should have been some blood, this is for you

Film: Costa Chica: Confession of an Exorcist [aka Legion: the Final Exorcism]

Year: 2006

Cast: David Heavener, Roddy Piper, Ariel Teal Toombs, Lee Benton, Jackeline Oliver, Tad Atkinson, Eileen Grubba, Davita Heavener, Brian Kamei, Danny Lerner, Aton Sanz-Katz.

Plot: Priest Michael San Chica is set to do one last exorcism even though the church threatens to excommunicate him if he does.

Review: this 2006 B Movie is all a it should be from the makeup to the “mood” lighting, if you are into low budget possession movies then this is the one for you, father San Chica [David Heavener] narrates all the way through, something a stronger story line wouldn’t need, however it adds to the tension and the drama.

Excellent film, also know as Legion: the Final Exorcism.

Written, directed and starring the great David Heavener is well worth a watch

8/10 classic B-movie horror

Film: Dead Cert


Cast: Jason Flemung, Dave Legeno, Danny Dyer, Dexter Fletcher, steven Berkoff, Craig Fairbrass, Janet Mongomery, Bill Murray, Lisa McAllister, Andrew Tiernan, Luinda Rhodes-Flaherty, Perry Benson, Eleanor James, Joe Egan.

Plot: A gang of tough London gangsters get more than they bargained for when a group of businessmen make an offer to buy their club, the Inferno. They turn out to be nothing less than Vampires wanting their land back and turn viciously on the gangsters when their demands are not met

Review: Another “ you like vampire films” film, passed my way watched and passed back faster, it’s a washed up Eastenders/Sunhill actors reunion.

I wasn’t 100% convinced by Bill Murray’s head vampire portrayal, sorry Bill all I could see was the accident advert!!!

And how the hell did they talk the fantastically talented Mr Steven Berkoff into being in this film??? All I can say is he must have been bored or read a totally different script. The same goes for Andrew Tiernan he plays a good baddy and sometimes a passable cop, although he looks all the part as a Vamp desperation or a large pay cheque for this one I feel.

The one thing that really finished it off for me was the fleeting, unwanted and unneeded appearance of Danny “tough guy” Dyer at the end, why?

I’m all for British Films and bolstering up our reputation as film makers but this didn’t do it not even a passable Z movie sorry guys n galls it’s a proper turkey.

4/10: because it’s British.

Film: The Maze

Date 2010

Cast: Shalaina Castle, Brandon Sean Pearson, Claire Niederpruem, Kyle Paul, Tye Nelson, Luke Drake, Richard Dutcher, Allan Groves, Marty Steinberg, Sarah Kent, Joseph Reidhead,

Plot: Five friends break into a closed corn maze in the middle of the night and decide to play a harmless game of tag…

Review: To start a Maze field always seems like a scary place, children of eh corn etc… stupid people who want to walk round it at night yeh we got some of those, and psychotic killer in a hoody. Looks like the whole gang are in on this B movie.

And for what it is its not actually a bad film, yes the acting is ropy and the setting has been used numerous times, but this is a little different. There is an Alice in Wonderland motif going through this slasher/bloodfest. There is a mad hatter’s tea party and a little bit of off with his head.

A good couple of twists at the end make this a really watchable film, the only part I would say lets it down is the start, it’s a little confusing and really needed a re-write. But apart from that, not bad.

6/10 pull up the chair and get out the popcorn

Film: Zombie women of Satan

Year: 2009

Cast: Warren Speed, Victoria Hopkins, Victoria Broom, Marysia Kay, Peter Bonner, Kate Soulsby, Bill Fellows, Gillian Settle, Chrisian Steel, Joe Nicholson, Jez Hunt, Seymour Leon Mace, Kathy Paul,

Plot: the movie tells the tale of rock singer Skye Brannigan’s quest to find her missing sister who has been abducted by a strange cult. Skye is helped / hindered by bizarre freak show burlesque troupe Flesharama who get caught up in her quest, as they are attacked left, right and centre by a vicious gang of marauding sexy zombie women and the crazy Zander family who created them !!

Review: Ok so pretty much every review I saw for this film totally slagged it off to high heaven so I thought kool I’ll give it a watch,

I wasn’t disappointed this film is great! It’s a classic British B Movie!

So what do you want from a great British B Movie? Bad acting? Blood and Gore? Tits?

Well this film has them all, this and the cracking banter between the characters, Especially between Pervo and Hellfire, Pervo the clown needs more adventures I feel it’s a pity hellfire and zeuse came to sticky end, maybe a bit of resurrection is required. Maybe they can be the Kenny’s [South Park] of the Pervo Films?

All in all I enjoyed this film for what it is, and with a budget of 40k it was never going to be a Hollywood blockbuster, so all those people who are so far up themselves that they compare it with a big budget film get from up yourselves.

Give it a watch, have a giggle while the girls jiggle, this will soon be a cult classic, but if you don’t like Zombies, naked women, gratuitous violence or clowns with black noses. it wont be for you!

9/10 Hysterical Black Horror